Ask the Pastor

November 20, 2025

These are from the “Ask the Pastor” project. Please place your inquiries in the box in the narthex.

Dear Pastor,

Is there a difference between being thankful and being grateful?

Thanksgiving

Dear Thanksgiving,

In her book “Wake Up Grateful,” Kristi Nelson defies the common belief that “thankful” and “grateful” are synonymous: “thankful” is a more immediate situational emotion often expressed for specific favors or relief, while “grateful” implies a deeper, more emotional and long-term appreciation for kindness or benefits received. This distinction is useful to me.

I begin most mornings by journaling, and I call to mind things that occurred the previous day. I am thankful for productive meetings and completed goals. If I journal long enough, I express thanksgiving for not only the highlights but also smaller encounters: drivers who let me merge onto the highway and strangers who hold the elevator open. This journaling practice helps me attune to little moments so that I might be thankful more often.

I also try to thank my loved ones for things like lending a hand with the chores. However, I feel more deeply for them than merely for what they do or don’t do. Their presence in my life is a blessing. I am grateful for the gift of their lives, the gift of them. “Grateful” is derived from the same root as “grace,” meaning unmerited favor. You cannot earn or accomplish grace. It is not an achievement but a given.

While I express thanks for a situation when it occurs, gratitude is about the recognition that I am connected to the grace of things much older and greater than me. I love how Rumi, a Muslim poet, wrote, “The ocean takes care of each wave until it gets to shore.”

This Thanksgiving, I will spend a few days at the beach with Ginny, our kids, and members of our extended family. In previous trips, Sadie has spent an entire morning filling up bucket after bucket with seashells. In her eyes, each one is more beautiful than the last. It’s true that every shell is unique, but she cannot possibly collect all the shells on the beach. She has to choose only a few to carry back to the house.

Perhaps I can draw an analogy to this distinction between thanksgiving and gratitude. I am thankful for so much in a day. I am grateful for the gifts, especially the people, that I carry with me as my precious and sacred treasures.

In thanks and gratitude,

Andrew

Read Andrew’s “Go Ask Dad” column: “His birthday gift to me”   HERE